You Still Haven't Found What Your Looking For!

Why is it whenever I have lost something around the house and ask my wife has she seen it? Does she always go on the offensive and retort “I haven’t touched it!”.
Now I know that wasn’t the question I asked but it is always the same.

We know that women don’t get their kicks out of hiding our stuff for fun, it’s just that they are so much better at finding stuff than us men. Something to do with better peripheral vision, again it is probably a genetic throw back from our past where men hunted and women picked berries.

But if you weren’t so much better at it, do you think we would swallow our pride and ask you. After all admitting weakness is not something us men are good at.

Don't Wake the Baby!

Another day of silence today, my 6 month old decided to wake at 4.30am.

Now you would think my wife would get the message that after the first four months of snoring through the loudest of banshee style screams that I am quite a sound sleeper.
So when I continually get the same question in the morning, “didn’t you hear the baby crying last night?” I always give the same response “If I did I would of got up and dealt with her.”

You see men are not usually built with the switch that can recognise baby distress through three, half a foot thick walls.
We are genetically programmed to hunt, protect from danger oh and scratch are balls when we wake up in the morning.
If it had of been the burglar alarm that had gone of and not the baby monitor we would have been downstairs with baseball bat in hand within a microsecond (sorry slightly longer after the obligatory scratching).

So I guess the moral here is if you want us men to react to the baby monitor, hook it up to the burglar alarm.

He want's, she wants!

Well here we go again. After answering my wife’s question of “are you hungry?” with a “no, not really.” I get the silent treatment for the next hour.

Now I know men are supposed to be from Mars and women are from Venus but why do they insist on skirting round their issues, by expecting us to be psychically empathetic.
Women! If you have a problem say so! Don’t blame us because we can’t read your mind.

You see, (all females out there take note because this may aid the longevity of your relationship) men aren’t very good at subliminal communication. We don’t get that when you ask “does my bum look big in this” what you really mean is that “I am feeling a little insecure at the moment, so can you please start paying me more attention” so an answer of “Well yeah, but I don’t think the Lycra helps” isn’t really the response that’s expected.

If you want us (men) to understand what you really mean be more direct.
So next time you are thinking of asking us “Do you fancy an early night?” while we are grappling with our Xbox control, you may want to do it in the nude whilst holding a bottle of baby oil in one hand and Champagne in the other.